There are a lot of “talks” that happen throughout life. There’s the “birds and the bees” talk when you are young. There’s the talk parents have with the guy asking to marry their daughter. Discussions about life, finances, and childrearing take place throughout our lives. What about talking to your senior parents about assisted living? This is a conversation many of us don’t think about until the time is upon us. It can be a difficult conversation to navigate, and how you approach the conversation is important.
Three key points to remember when talking to your parents about moving into an assisted living facility are: 1) approach matters, 2) create a plan together, and 3) do your homework. A hard conversation becomes easier when approached with a calm demeanor, love, and implementing these 3 tips.
Whether time has just gotten away from you or you didn’t think you would ever have to move your parents into an assisted living community, how you approach the necessary conversation matters. Victoria Landing is a premier senior living community for active seniors, those who need assistance with daily living tasks, as well as those with memory care needs. We believe your senior loved ones will be very happy here, but getting them here may be your challenge. To help you navigate this “talk,” this article will discuss 3 key points to remember when having this conversation with your loved ones.
#1 Approach Matters
If someone came up to you and told you that you had to do something whether you liked it or not and you didn’t have a choice, how do you think you would react? Probably not too favorably, right? Your parents are no different. Roles begin to reverse as parents age. They may need help making decisions. They may look to you for advice. They may even be living with you. However, none of those things makes it okay to boss your parents around. The move to senior or assisted living should be a discussion, not a one-way command. The tone of voice you use is a major factor in any conversation. Talk with your parents, not at them. As you calmly explain your reasons and thoughts, they may be more receptive to what you say. In fact, you may find they have similar opinions and thoughts on the matter, but you won’t know until you sit down to have a gentle yet firm, loving conversation.
#2 Create a Plan Together
Let your parents be part of the process. Otherwise, they may feel like this is something you are doing to them which could cause resentment. This process will likely include multiple conversations. If they are saying, “My kids are making me move into an old people’s home,” then they are not feeling like a part of the process. If they are saying, “I am moving into Victoria Landing. It’s beautiful, and there’s a ton of activities,” then you are on the right track. This process will likely include multiple conversations. You don’t have to create this plan in the first conversation or they may feel overwhelmed. It will need to take place soon though, so what does this plan look like?
- Clear out items they don’t want/need to move with them. This may be as simple as donating a few bags to charity. You may need to hold a yard sale or even the equivalent of an estate sale if they have a house to empty.
- If they want/need to sell their home and need help with the process, step in to walk them through it without stepping all over them. Remember, if they have lived there a long time, maybe even raised you in that home, it can be a very emotional time for them. Be sensitive.
- Once finances are in place, choose a date that all of you agree upon to move them into a senior living community.
- Include them in the decision of choosing their senior living community. This is a very important part of the plan. Again, you don’t want them to feel like they have no voice regarding their own lives. Nobody wants to feel that way. Unless they have already thought about it and know where they want to live, visit multiple senior living communities. Take them with you so they can see it for themselves. Let them talk to residents to ask if they like living there. All of you need to feel comfortable with the place that is chosen. If all goes well, it will hopefully be a joint and unanimous decision.
#3 Do Your Homework
Before taking your parents to visit any assisted living communities, do your homework. Research online. Read reviews from residents and family members. Make sure the facilities you plan to tour have the amenities your loved one wants as well as any care they need. By doing your homework, you will streamline the process. You don’t want to waste time driving all over Brevard County and beyond when you could easily eliminate some communities with a little research. If a facility/community has a 1-star rating, skip it! Another reason to do your homework, besides saving yourself some time and gas, is that you don’t want to take your parents to visit some ramshackle house in the boonies calling itself a retirement community and scare them to death! You want the tours to be positive and get them excited about their upcoming move!
Summary
Talking to your parents about moving into an assisted living community may be a hard conversation, but it can go well. By using a calm, positive approach, creating a plan together, and doing your homework before touring facilities, you can make the process go smoothly. Victoria Landing is a luxury retirement living community. We offer tours and would love for you and your parents to see all that we have to offer. Waterfront living, excellent meals, beautiful grounds, and a ton of activities make Victoria Landing the best place for your parents to spend their retirement years.
